We have now surpassed the one year mark of parenting amidst a pandemic and stress levels of parents are at an all time high. Working from home + virtual schooling + fewer activities + health stress + the list goes on, have left us desperate for a light at the end of this tunnel. With that being said, it seems as though now, more than ever, is a good time to incorporate some mindfulness into our parenting.
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“Mindfulness” is a broad term tossed around extensively in the wellness space. When that happens it’s easy to lose the meaning and power behind a word. So today, we want to define mindful parenting and discuss some easy ways you can implement mindfulness in your interactions with your children.
First, let’s clearly define mindfulness in parenting as,
"a set of practices that a parent uses to increase awareness of the present moment in the relationship with their child."
If you're like me, you could always use some pointers where this is concerned. Staying present among the never-ending to-do lists that we experience as parents is HARD. Let’s explore WHY it is such a good idea to incorporate some simple mindfulness strategies into your parenting. Research shows that mindful parenting plays a mediating role and influences the experience of parenting, being parented, and being a part of a family.¹ Furthermore, mindful parenting helps us take a breath, make space, and focus on the good each moment has to offer.
Mindful parenting helps us take a breath, make space, and focus on the good each moment has to offer.
When we are faced with any number of stressors, we may become agitated and end up responding to our children in critical ways; and when we react to our children out of stress it is more likely they will exhibit behavior problems, adding to our stress and setting the dynamic into a negative cycle. ² Simple mindfulness practices like the ones below can help to minimize the former from happening.
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5 Areas of Mindful Parenting:
When exploring this topic, researchers often use a model of mindful parenting as a framework. ³ This model gives us 5 areas we can examine when considering our own personal approaches:
1. Listening with full attention: presence in the moment, eye-contact, awareness of non-verbal cues.
When your child is speaking to you, get down on their level and eliminate any distractions. Those few moments of your undivided attention will be a great time for the two of you to connect.
2. Emotional awareness of self/of child: the ability and desire to identify and make sense out of not only your own emotions, but that of your child and others around you.
By understanding that your child experiences emotions, and is trying to make sense of them, you may see their behaviors in a different light.
3. Self-regulation: checking-in and managing your own state of emotion, thoughts, and behaviors.
As parents, we set the tone for the "vibe" of our family. By checking in with yourself regularly, you may be able to change the course of the day for your whole family. And by being aware of your feelings, you can have more control over your reactions to your children.
4. Non-judgement: letting go of the automatic judgements of good or bad that our brains may make.
What determines if a behavior is "bad" or "good"? What makes a "good" parent? The truth is, the answers to each of the questions will vary from person to person. Do what feels good to you in your heart. Let go of any judgement towards yourself and your children.
5. Compassion for oneself and child: self-kindness over self-judgement, a sense of belonging to both your family as well as humanity as a whole.
Exercising compassion towards YOURSELF is one of the most powerful ways you can incorporate mindfulness. By simply prioritizing self-kindess, your whole being will feel lighter and it will impact the way you interact with your children.
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What do you think?
A list like this can reflect back to us where we are shining while also creating thoughtfulness about what we may feel like changing or learning more about. Compassion for yourself as the parent is on this list for a reason – don’t forget how special and important YOU are! How do you incorporate mindfulness into your daily life? Into your parenting? We'd love to hear from you below.
References
¹ Gouveia, M.J., Carona, C., Canavarro, M.C., & Moreira, H. (2016). Self-compassion and dispositional mindfulness are associated with parenting styles and parenting stress: The mediating role of mindful parenting. Mindfulness, 7, 700-712.
² Webster-Stratton, C. (1990). Stress: a potential disruptor of parent perceptions and family interactions. Journal of Clinical Child Psychology, 19, 302–312.
³ Duncan, Larissa G., Coatsworth, J. Douglas, & Greenberg, Mark T. (2009). A Model of Mindful Parenting: Implications for Parent-Child Relationships and Prevention Research. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review,12(3), 255-270.